No matter how rediculous I sound..

I wish I was older. Mostly because the males at my age are, for lack of a better word, not interesting.
And the males that happen to be 16+ are more attractive than those of whom are younger than them..

I know looks aren't everything. But my teenage hormones are getting in the way, honestly.
I know pretty much a lot of them all want sex but, come on. I just don't like this age.
And I don't like how I like every other guy I see and I don't like how well, I seem to inhabit the body of a 14 year old girl who has no boyfriend and the only people who like her are men, that of which she doesn't like!
I hate to complain and I know that there will be other fish in the sea but still.
I know beauty isn't everything but the beauty on these faces are getting far more immeasurable and indescribable by the moment.
I sound dumb. And I am. And I'd love to get to know these people. And I'd love to hold these people's hands and let them know what I'm all about.
And how I don't like uggs, north faces, or preppy girls who deem themselves worthy of respect, but go and suck and fuck guys then talk about it quite loudly in Algreba class.

It's just a phaseIt's just a phaseIt's just a phaseIt's just a phaseIt's just a phaseIt's just a phaseIt's just a phaseIt's just a phaseIt's just a phaseIt's just a phaseIt's just a phaseIt's just a phaseIt's just a phase.


The fucking worst phase in the history of dumb 14-year-old freshman girls.

I have to pee.

Woman, and you know I am talking to you when I say this, I am not in a friends with benefit relationship. And you know that, including the fact that I couldn't hurt anything more than a spider, I was never planning on being in one. I can see that you hate it for many more reasons than you typed down, and I don't really like them for your reasons too, especially the fact that someone does always get hurt.

But, what's so bad about a relationship that makes people turn to friends with benefits? They seek comfort within the person they may or may not like, and if they do like them, their fear of jeopardizing their friendship fails either in the beginning, middle, or end, because it's a type of relationship where if you like someone else, the other person gets pissy, or (guess) hurt.

Today was quiet lonely. Jackie nor RAHRAHRAH was here so ya know, that certain class was the single more boring class out of the whole year.

I really can't fckn wait to get these pieces of shit metal out of my mouth.

And I really can't wait to see~whatshisface~
even if it hurts me!

She took pity on my horizontally.

Fuck my last post. c:


I'm tired and cranky and my stomach is currently filled with Duo &sleeping pills. And wishes and dreams awww!

I am difficult and hostile! And can't wrap my head around the fact why I can't be a total whore, or take benefits from someone. Ohhh Kayla.

Fo' real, I want beautiful words and fancy sentences that flow into one another like an unconditionally flawless montage . &it will be for me! and only for me!

and I would hold it very dear to me. ):

I have no title. >:o

Twilight was good for the most part. Not really up for giving details. But I'm really, really trying not to think of the future.
And I'm trying to take one thing as it comes but it's not that easy. D:<

&I'm not trying to give myself false hope. Because I suck and haven't kissed anyone in years, nor have had a boyfriend, not even when I kissed that fool!

It'd just be nice, ya know? I'm happy without one, but it doesn't make me want it any less. And I'm sick of those dumb little flirty relationships you have with someone and it never turns into any significant ):

hold me too tight. stay by my siiiiide.


I sound dumb because I am so that's that.

You kiss by the book!

If Chen thought that putting Jaclyn, Joe, John, Sam, Will and I all in the same group was a smart move, then he was right, IT WAS. Even if we didn't do anything. c:

I'm happy it's Friday tomorrow. This week has stretched way beyond the 7 day limit. Whether it be just because I went into a very alien-like stage of my life over night, thus making my thoughts and behavioral differences seem so new to me, or whether it be the fact that this week may have been generally very slow for everyone.

And I can't wrap my head around the fact that 4 days ago I couldn't go 5 or 10 minutes without crying, or while breathing in, having to hold back tears.

But honestly, hugs and friends and laughs make it both better and worse. It gives me a chance to be like my old self again, but I catch myself in the moment and I feel out of line, like laughing, smiling, and blushing, shouldn't be what I'm doing.

And when I get out of this stage of being a cynical, poetic, whiny prick, then I might feel better.

To put it in the most simplest terms that I possibly can, I feel like my mind and body are two very separate, and very different entities. They don't match like two puzzle pieces, nor do they get along like life- long best friends. They don't correspond, or even react to each other anymore. They are on two opposite sides of the globe and I'm stuck here on Cape Cod.

Say it.. VAMPIRE!

I wish that my school played music throughout the hallways ALL days of the year. And people could send in requests and such ): but then again, I know people who love Miley Cyrus and Jo Hoes would be all over that shit like toast on bread. Today in the gym with Jackie n Kayla &friends, there was a Sophomore vs Freshman jeopardy game, and even if We weren't involved, it was still fun.

I'm getting really lazy with homework. and I mean like horribly annoying what the hell lazy.
And secretly, yet not so secretly anymore, I am excited for Twilight - no matter how many ridiculously savaged and demented fan girls are out there, I am excited.

Today marks the official first day that snow has touched the ground since last winter. With all seriousness, how can you not like the snow? Little white cotton balls of icy, yet still powdery water; all the magnificence of the world cannot deny it's beauty! But the existence of this forces my already thin and not totally apparent lips to be chapped beyond all reasonable terms.

On the other hand though, this holiday and changing of the weather reminds just how numb I Feel. And I don't like it. No matter how unbearable I thought it was before, this puts a whole new meaning to Pain.

Shut up Hollus.